Kentuckyseven

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.

Count from one to ten. That’s how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you…Forty seven times.

There is no Control button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Chuck Norris doesn´t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn´t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn’t say ”who’s your daddy”, because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the ”Circle of Life”.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

There is no face behind Chuck Norris´ beard. There is only another fist.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is ”Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

On his birthday Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

When taking the SAT, write ”Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score 8000 points.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.